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When You Believe You're Undeserving, Undesirable, and Unable to Break Through

For months, every single day, I would have this internal struggle about my place in life. I knew that I wanted to have a profound influence in the world and especially in the lives of other women. I knew that I didn’t want to be average. I wanted to play big, do more, have more, and be more. I wanted to have it all. And I wanted to do that without the guilt of asking for too much.

So how does one become that sort of woman?

How does one move through life, exemplifying the daring, gorgeous conception of everything she desires to be, without the superficial hang-ups that hold most women back?

You know, like…

What if I’m not pretty enough?

What if I’m criticized or disgraced?

What if I’m a fraud?

What if I’m not smart enough?

What if my credentials aren’t quite where they need to be?

Who am I to dare to do this or that? To be bigger, better and braver than the woman I used to be? Or for that matter, more daring than most women that I know? Speaking of which… What if my friends and family don’t understand? What if no one gets it?

And most of all, what if everything that I believe I’m capable of being, is just a fallacy?

What if it’s just my imagination and I really don’t deserve to live the life I want to live, nor does anyone desire the gifts I want to give?

I was sitting in front of the ugly truth, saying to me, “You may not have what it takes. Who’s to say what’s destined for you? Honey, there are no guarantees.”

So that was my dilemma. Day in and day out, I found myself going through these internal battles, measuring myself against these standards that I’m not quite sure who sets. Comparing myself to other women, trying to figure out if I was worth it.

I was lost in storm of self-doubt and fear. And I swear to you I couldn’t see the light through all of the darkness.

Damn, those times suck so bad.

Now let me tell you about what changed that for me, because if you are in this storm, I want to help you get out. I want to help you find your light. I can throw you this life jacket, and you can grip it with all of the assurance that there is a kind and loving Universe tethering you to the truth. There are laws in place to keep you afloat, even though you may feel as if you’re drowning.

And it’s so funny that the art of staying afloat has everything to do with relaxing and having trust, and even though your fight or flight reaction is telling you to clench up, there’s a part of your intuition saying that you have to let go.

So I’m getting to the Life Jacket.

Think about this. When have you ever truly been undone to the point of no return? When you’re in the eye of a storm, and despair clings to you like a second skin, you are not defeated.

You have never been defeated.

You might be terrified to make a change. You might be afraid you’re too damn young to be taken seriously, or too damn old to be starting over. You may be going through some drama or just completely confused. You may be steeped in self-doubt and fear, but you still are not defeated.

Maybe it’s just human nature, but there’s always this light, this hope, this belief, that there is something brilliant and magnificent on the other side of the storm. Even in what we perceive to be our lowest moments, the God within you is there, always present, always sure, never ever defeated.

And that’s no coincidence. You see, there’s a part of you that wants. There’s even a part of you that believes. And then there’s a certain part of you that simply just knows who you’re meant to be. That’s where you’ll find your truth.

How do you know that’s your truth?

Well this was what I discovered. I guess you could call it my Life Jacket.

You know it’s your truth because you can’t avoid it. It just keeps coming back to you, time and time again. It won’t allow you to rest. It won’t allow you to play small. And every time you push it away, the storm suddenly comes back.

You know it’s your truth because it keeps showing up in conversations that you have, and those you keep to yourself. You know it’s the truth, because the thought of leaving this earth without expressing it wakes you up in the middle of the night. You know it’s your truth, because it fills you with a longing and feeling of inevitability that you can’t even explain.

This is what you need to do if you want to live your truth.

  • You accept the good with the bad, because neither can exist without the other anyway.
  • You let go of judging others, and in turn, you let go accepting the judgment of others as well.
  • You accept that it is all in your imagination. It’s all energy. The reality you create depends on the actions that you take.
  • And finally you give up a degree of your control. Just let that shit go.

The truth is whether or not you deserve something is a decision that you make.

The truth is that some people will desire it, while some others may not give a damn. Some flat out will not like it.

The truth is that you are creating your destiny every day. You get to do what you want to do and at the end of the day what everyone else thinks is none of your concern or business.

You’re not here to please everyone. You’re here to just be you, and those you’re supposed to share your experience with, will be drawn to you simply by the energy you put out. Don’t worry about everyone else.

Cut the storm, cut the rain clouds. Cut the self-annihilation. Here’s your permission. Cue the sunshine. Love yourself.

Trust, lay back and float.