I’m not going to lie. The term, “forgive and forget” is absolutely too damn simple to be taken very seriously. That’s because forgiveness is not simply something you say, it’s a state of mind. And when someone has hurt you deeply, it’s not easy to just forget about it. As a matter of fact, every time you see them, it often takes you right back to that headspace, in which you don’t want to be in.
So how is it that I am able to forgive people so easily? I mean, I can't think of a time I've held a grudge.
For starters, as an Aries, we’re not big grudge holders. In most cases, we can have an argument with a friend, and go shopping with them the next day. We value the people in our lives, and as long as the loyalty is there, we can get over most anything.
But sometimes it’s not that easy. Sometimes, someone cuts too deep. I’m certainly not the type to ignore my own gushing blood, and I suggest you don’t either. People are creatures of habit.
I find that when someone gets away with hurting you, and you don’t confront them about it, they inevitably do it again.
Yet, when it’s all said and done, how do you get over it? If a friend stabs you in the back, if a lover deceives you, if someone you care deeply for, turns their back on you, then what? How do you let it go, so that when you see the person again, you’re not gripped with pain? That, or the overwhelming need to do violence.
My simple answer is to forgive them.
I know it’s easier said than done, but hear me out.
Forgiveness can relieve a person’s conscience, pending the person has one. And sometimes, just out of spite and anger, you don’t want to relieve their conscience. You want them to stay wrecked in guilt. You want that person to know, “what you did to me, hurt me, and I’ll never let it go. You suck as a person!”
What you are truly saying to that person though, in not so many words is, “You effected me so deeply, and so painfully, that I can’t get over it. You still effect me. You still hurt me. Every time I see you, I relive it.”
Whoa! Do you see how that’s your problem now, not their’s?
What tends to happen after a certain period of time is that the person who did you wrong, will let go of that guilt, whether you give them permission or not. They’ll get over what they did to you and move on. It won’t haunt them, because the desire to live is stronger than the chains of guilt. You can’t imprison anyone using guilt as your stronghold.
What you do instead, is let it go. When someone effects you weeks, months and even years later, you are, in fact, allowing them to restrain you. You are allowing their wrongdoings to maintain power in your life. You’ll go into new relationships, waiting to be deceived, waiting to be stabbed in the back. You’ll keep bringing the story up. You’ll lay the burden of the past, on the people in your present and those in your future. Eventually it will turn those people off, and turn them away from you. No one wants to have their every move compared and contrasted against someone else. In essence, if I see you coming toward me, dragging your skeletons behind you, I’m running the other way.
Not to mention, you’re allowing that person, and a past event, to maintain power over you. Holding grudges is hard. It sucks at your energy. It makes you bitter.
So forgiveness is not a gift you give to the person that you are forgiving (although it can be). Forgiveness is a gift to yourself. Forgive so that you can move on. The skeletons don’t disappear, they just fail to matter anymore.
How do you forgive someone that’s done you wrong?
You don’t have to say a word to them, if you choose not to. Simply take a moment, when you are alone to close your eyes and think about it. Acknowledge what they did to you, and how that made you feel. Now visualize yourself with them. Recognize that they are human, imperfect, and entitled to make mistakes. Hopefully they are growing and changing, and becoming a better person. But that’s not your issue to deal with. You are becoming a better person. Mentally, let them know that you understand and that forgive them. Wish them no ill. In fact, you can wish them the best, or be indifferent. But don’t hate them any longer. Let it go.
Take a deep breath and move on. I promise, moving on feels so much better, than hanging on to hurt.