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How to Get Over Your Obsession with Having it All

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I believe a woman can have it all. Hell, I wrote a book about getting your shit together and having it all. I’ve been an entrepreneur for the last 7 years, and I’m committed to creating a multi-platform media company. I'm all for going big. 

But don't you feel like it gets overwhelming at times? Trying to have everything?

You can become smothered by your goals when life becomes a race to a top that doesn't really exist.

Why are we battling to experience it all right now, and missing out on everything that's right in front of our eyes? 

Let's take a moment to review the checklist.

Ladies, you know exactly what I'm talking about. According to society's standards, you are incomplete if you do not meet the following requirements:

A career in a company that gives you the prerequisite 2-6% raise every year. Being happy in this career is a bonus, but not a requirement. You can complain to your coworkers, but everyone will judge you if you just quit.

Alternately, you can have a bomb ass business that spits out money like an ATM. Lots of people are claiming, but statistics say it's not true.

Cocktails and cruises with your girlfriends, accompanied by pretty Instagram posts

A husband or serious relationship - preferably you have a ring

At least 1 child by the age of 30

Own a home

Own a BMW, Lexus, Audi or Luxury SUV

Vacations (with proof on Instagram of course)

Workout every day (or at least appear to be)

Hair and makeup on fleek 7 days a week

Prepare healthy homemade meals daily or you're a bad mom and terrible human being

And for God's sake, don't let anyone know that you eat fast food and wear flip-flops out of the house sometimes

And so the story goes, most of us typically have one and not the other. A home and family, but a jacked up job you hate. Or you have a thriving business, but can't find love to save your life. Or a little bit of both. You have a family, the BMW, and a business that you love. But you don't have real friends and you haven't told anyone your marriage is falling apart. Oh and you've been having panic attacks, but you're afraid of what people will think of you if you seek some help.

Has anyone told you lately, it's really okay to slow down? It's okay to enjoy this moment, and you are exactly where you belong in this moment in time.

Big goals and dreams can be exciting, but they can also push you into a state of running on fumes and never enjoying any of what you’ve accomplished.

And look around. Compared to where you’ve come from, you are accomplished. You have to learn how to appreciate what it is you have right now.

You have to stop competing with people you don't really know. Stop assuming you're being watched and judged - and if you are, let that be okay. You don't have to do it their way. You can enjoy the journey and refuse to let it become a race.  

This life, that we want so desperately to live to the fullest, has become a stage play that we're acting in, with roles we didn't consciously choose, and people who we kinda sorta know, that we're dying to impress. We're so focused on looking at everyone else, that we can't focus on ourselves. 

Here's my unsolicited advice if you want to lessen the pressure and start to love your life: When you choose your goals, let self-growth be your motivation, instead of competition. Stop focusing so much on what everyone else is doing. It's not always what it seems.

I've never been motivated by competition, but now that I look back, I realize that most of my early goals were really not my own. I remember my hubby (then my fiancee) and I buying our first home. We were about 23 and I remember we were just so in a rush to live the American Dream. But any new homeowner can attest to the reality that hits you once you sign that dotted line. It's a blessing and it's a burden. And if you're not ready for the responsibility then it's not something you do because society says it is.

Just because you're ready on paper doesn't make it the right time for you. Just because your friend is getting married, doesn't mean that you should too. Just because you're not an overnight success doesn't mean that you've failed. 

We've all got fucked up programming telling us "this is what success should be for you."

But as a human being - mind, body and soul, that's not the way it works. You are here to do something that no one else can do. You define what success is for you. 

Happiness is doing at the moment what you feel called to do. It's important to make sure that you're making a decision because it's YOUR vision and not because you feel compelled to give into the status quo. 

Confused about your own life? Here's a little test.

Think about your life, your work, your family. How did you get here? Look around right now and see, did you choose the life you're living? Or did it more or less choose you, while you did the things you "believed" you were supposed to do.

Our beliefs are not necessarily wrong. But they aren't always ours. They're our parents, our society's, what we see on tv. But now you're at the age, where your beliefs have to become more conscious so that you can design your life in the fashion that you truly yearn for it to be.

Please... dream big, desire to have it all, come on the journey, but be comforted by this; You are not incomplete. You are not half of a whole. You are not missing a thing. You are not a failure. You are having an experience and the present is where it’s at. All of it. You can be 100% in this journey, but you don't have to run a race, be inspired by others, but don’t compete to outdo anyone.

Just be the next best version of you.

Introvert? Overthinker? Just Make a Fucking Decision.

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I'm an introvert. I have a tendency to overthink.

It becomes an issue when u miss deadlines and keep changing your mind. I think it comes from an insecurity that’s underneath. That maybe I’m crazy as hell and a little unrealistic.


But the alternative is to be normal and why the hell would I do that?


Here’s what I noticed. When it comes to certain things I don’t have to think about it. I just do it. Things that I’m familiar with, or have done before. I decided that I don’t eat pork or red meat. I’m not in any indecision when I go to the grocery store. I decided that I was healthy. I don’t have to wait for muthafucking New Year’s Day! I drink my detox tea and have my apple cider vinegar in the morning. I’m eating clean. I don’t have to think about it. It just is. Okay. Obviously, I'm capable of doing this.


So I said to myself, what if I approached more things in my life like this? Like my work and writing habits. What if I planned something with minimal steps and incredible execution?

What if shit could be simple and I’m the one making things complex?


We often make our lives more complicated than they need to be.

You can plan and fuss until you’re blue in the face but you can’t control everything. So what if you just decide, stop thinking and do that shit? What if you didn’t wait? What if u start today? What’s a goal that you’ve been pushing off, and it’s really not that damn deep? I’m challenging you to decide, create a basic plan, then shut down all thinking, doubts, second-guessing and go for that shit.


What would be your goal and what's the first step you can take to make it a reality? 

Dreaming on Immortality.

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Tonight, as I tucked my kids into bed on the eve of Christmas Day, I urged my daughter to get some rest. "Santa won’t visit if you’re not asleep," I lied. I was tired. I wanted to go to bed, and I still had gifts to wrap. 

My daughter squeezed her eyes tight in a desperate attempt to tamp down her excitement and pretend to be asleep. I couldn't help but smile. Christmas Eve must be the hardest night in the world for a child to find sleep.

It occurred to me, that it wasn’t too long ago that I was on the other side. A child in bed, so anxious to find myself body-jumping into Christmas morning, closing my eyes and opening them in what only felt like moments later. Riding high on some exquisite nighttime magic. That was me. It doesn't feel like that long ago.

I thought to myself, look at me. I’m a parent, doing for my child what my mom did for me what seems like very few years ago. None of this is real, I realized. It's all a dream. But I'm living this dream, and I'm realizing in this moment, life is so much shorter than we can conceive.

An urgency came over me. I felt short of breath. And it was clear as daylight to me. We don't have time to waste. That each unresting moment should be consumed with fire, love, action, passion, purpose and vulnerability.

Looking at myself in the mirror, I went over all of those weak moments in which I had held back, in my desperation to be right, instead of free. I was more concerned with being accepted. And now, that is the last thing I care about.

Eyes red, tired, I looked at myself in the mirror, saying "Do what you’re here to do. Enjoy life to the fullest. Be open and vulnerable. Put everything on display. Give it all to the universe. Be willing to be criticized and be okay with it. Be who you are today."

I wish the same for you. Be a nomad. Be a gypsy. Do your art. Make your music. Tell your story. Write your book. Sing your song. Travel. Lead. Change a life. Change the world. Risk it all.

And so here we are together in this world, in this dream we call reality. 

The first thing I did upon my coming to terms with the mortality of my life, was to know that I needed to write. And leave it all on the line. I ask you to meet me here on the cliff, where we can hold hands, navigate together and take our risks. Jumping out into the cold, sun-drenched water of life, letting it wash over us. Escaping to the fire, burning completely and savoring it.

Because not too long ago, I was just a child and my mom was tucking me in. And I blinked and here I was, a parent doing the same. It isn’t real. And yet, it’s everything. And it will end as soon as I turn my head. I’m mortal and I will end. But maybe if we embrace what is and who we are, and document it, we can find immortality. We can leave our mark, fall in love over and over again. Be loved. Be free. And live forever on their lips and in their hearts and on these sheets of paper. 

For our kids to know.
 

How to Do Big Things When You're Afraid and In Your Darkest Hours

How to Do Big Things When You're Afraid and In Your Darkest Hours

Have you ever wanted to do something bigger, be someone stronger, smarter, richer - and simply leave a mark in the world? But you were dealing with circumstances in your life, that made you feel small and, well... the exact opposite of everything you wanted desperately to create. What if you committed to being great anyway, and being the person you want to be in spite of your circumstances? Let's commit together. Here's how.