I believe a woman can have it all. Hell, I wrote a book about getting your shit together and having it all. I’ve been an entrepreneur for the last 7 years, and I’m committed to creating a multi-platform media company. I'm all for going big.
But don't you feel like it gets overwhelming at times? Trying to have everything?
You can become smothered by your goals when life becomes a race to a top that doesn't really exist.
Why are we battling to experience it all right now, and missing out on everything that's right in front of our eyes?
Let's take a moment to review the checklist.
Ladies, you know exactly what I'm talking about. According to society's standards, you are incomplete if you do not meet the following requirements:
A career in a company that gives you the prerequisite 2-6% raise every year. Being happy in this career is a bonus, but not a requirement. You can complain to your coworkers, but everyone will judge you if you just quit.
Alternately, you can have a bomb ass business that spits out money like an ATM. Lots of people are claiming, but statistics say it's not true.
Cocktails and cruises with your girlfriends, accompanied by pretty Instagram posts
A husband or serious relationship - preferably you have a ring
At least 1 child by the age of 30
Own a home
Own a BMW, Lexus, Audi or Luxury SUV
Vacations (with proof on Instagram of course)
Workout every day (or at least appear to be)
Hair and makeup on fleek 7 days a week
Prepare healthy homemade meals daily or you're a bad mom and terrible human being
And for God's sake, don't let anyone know that you eat fast food and wear flip-flops out of the house sometimes
And so the story goes, most of us typically have one and not the other. A home and family, but a jacked up job you hate. Or you have a thriving business, but can't find love to save your life. Or a little bit of both. You have a family, the BMW, and a business that you love. But you don't have real friends and you haven't told anyone your marriage is falling apart. Oh and you've been having panic attacks, but you're afraid of what people will think of you if you seek some help.
Has anyone told you lately, it's really okay to slow down? It's okay to enjoy this moment, and you are exactly where you belong in this moment in time.
Big goals and dreams can be exciting, but they can also push you into a state of running on fumes and never enjoying any of what you’ve accomplished.
And look around. Compared to where you’ve come from, you are accomplished. You have to learn how to appreciate what it is you have right now.
You have to stop competing with people you don't really know. Stop assuming you're being watched and judged - and if you are, let that be okay. You don't have to do it their way. You can enjoy the journey and refuse to let it become a race.
This life, that we want so desperately to live to the fullest, has become a stage play that we're acting in, with roles we didn't consciously choose, and people who we kinda sorta know, that we're dying to impress. We're so focused on looking at everyone else, that we can't focus on ourselves.
Here's my unsolicited advice if you want to lessen the pressure and start to love your life: When you choose your goals, let self-growth be your motivation, instead of competition. Stop focusing so much on what everyone else is doing. It's not always what it seems.
I've never been motivated by competition, but now that I look back, I realize that most of my early goals were really not my own. I remember my hubby (then my fiancee) and I buying our first home. We were about 23 and I remember we were just so in a rush to live the American Dream. But any new homeowner can attest to the reality that hits you once you sign that dotted line. It's a blessing and it's a burden. And if you're not ready for the responsibility then it's not something you do because society says it is.
Just because you're ready on paper doesn't make it the right time for you. Just because your friend is getting married, doesn't mean that you should too. Just because you're not an overnight success doesn't mean that you've failed.
We've all got fucked up programming telling us "this is what success should be for you."
But as a human being - mind, body and soul, that's not the way it works. You are here to do something that no one else can do. You define what success is for you.
Happiness is doing at the moment what you feel called to do. It's important to make sure that you're making a decision because it's YOUR vision and not because you feel compelled to give into the status quo.
Confused about your own life? Here's a little test.
Think about your life, your work, your family. How did you get here? Look around right now and see, did you choose the life you're living? Or did it more or less choose you, while you did the things you "believed" you were supposed to do.
Our beliefs are not necessarily wrong. But they aren't always ours. They're our parents, our society's, what we see on tv. But now you're at the age, where your beliefs have to become more conscious so that you can design your life in the fashion that you truly yearn for it to be.
Please... dream big, desire to have it all, come on the journey, but be comforted by this; You are not incomplete. You are not half of a whole. You are not missing a thing. You are not a failure. You are having an experience and the present is where it’s at. All of it. You can be 100% in this journey, but you don't have to run a race, be inspired by others, but don’t compete to outdo anyone.